“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful” – Brene Brown
Hi friend – thanks for being here. It was so important to me as a ‘boudoir / intimate portrait photographer’ to share with you the raw, exposed and stripped down version of me. Everyone has a story and everyone has imperfections and I wanted to share with you mine…
Hopefully you’ve had the chance to check out my MEET AMANDA page – if not, you can check it out here https://amandatuckerphotography.com/about On that page you can find a little introduction and and a few struggles I’ve experienced growing up, but here I wanted to share more…more of the ‘darker’ side of myself that not alot of people know – not even my friends.
But first I want to let you know that I’m TERRIBLE at writing – especially my thoughts and feelings of myself and what I’ve been through. I wrote this with no intentions of having it looked over, reviewed or fixed by anyone because this is me. Imperfections and all.
Okay, so let’s go…
- I grew up as a military child and moved around ALOT!
- My mom was a single parent until I was 4.
- My biological father was never around and made promises he couldn’t keep.
- My mom and stepfather fought ALOT and it took me awhile to open up to him.
- I was picked on and bullied in school for being ‘thick’.
- I started working at the age of 14 as a lifeguard at the community pool.
- I was pretty much friendless until high school.
- I dated the wrong guys in school and alot of times allowed them to treat me with disrespect.
- I’ve lied, skipped school and even forged my parents signature on school notes.
- I ran with the wrong crowd my senior year in high school.
- I’ve battled an eating disorder through high school.
- I’ve suffered from poor self esteem.
- I was a size 2 in high school and thought I was fat!
- I worked 2 jobs through high school because my family had financial problems and couldn’t afford anything ‘extra’ for my sisters and I.
- I joined the Navy to get out of the small town and because my family couldn’t afford to send me to college.
- After leaving the small town, I was so naive to the real world and faced alot of hard things on my own. It really made me grow as a person.
- At 23 I married my boyfriend at the time just so we could receive more money from the military.
- At 24 I was pregnant which was not planned at all.
- At 26 I was going through a divorce which drained me emotionally and financially.
- When my son was 3 I left for my first deployment to Afghanistan. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Ya’ll there are no words that can express what I felt as a mother having to do this. I cried ALOT!
- My sons father and I do not have a good relationship and we can’t see eye to eye.
- I’ve deployed to Afghanistan 3 times during my 13 years in the Navy.
- I’ve experienced the darkest parts of the world while being deployed.
- I’ve had a up armored vehicle have a negligent discharge of a 50 cal and it hit 3 feet in front of my unarmored vehicle. Talk about your life flashing in front of you.
- Our base experienced daily rockets and mortars fired at us.
- I’ve had to experience death of friends/co-workers/teammates during those deployments which those have taken me to a dark place in having to deal and cope with.
- My last deployment to Afghanistan I experienced 6 deaths on that deployment – one of which was my grandfather.
- On my last deployment I met my husband and he was my saving grace during that hard time.
- In 2015 I married my best friend and soul mate and a year later we welcomed our little girl into the world.
- Our relationship has been tested in more ways than I can count. Being a wife of a Navy SEAL is HARD and extremely challenging.
- From my time in the military and stuff I’ve been exposed to I suffer from severe anxiety, migraines, OCD and have dealt with depression.
- I continue to battle some health issues that are unexplained from the medical stand point which is exhausting and daunting.
- I’m an enneagram 3 – which if you’ve never taken the test, you should – you can try it here https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test
- I worry ALOT!
- I over think ALOT!
- I have the mouth of a Sailor
- …and I am by no means perfect…
BUT…Out of all this…I AM…
And ya’ll…I am not perfect. I have MANY imperfections, but these imperfections make me, ME! And I’ve realized over the past few years that this has been Gods plan the whole time to mold me into the strong woman I am today and I am so thankful for each and every one of those experiences!
A boudoir experience is a very vulnerable thing for a woman to do and to experience one for herself takes alot. I can’t offer this experience to you, if I can’t be vulnerable myself and I strongly believe that! I want you to know…I’ve been there, I’ve experienced hardships and hard times too and damn they suck, but it has made me into the woman I am today and I LOVE myself for it!
“Vulnerability is strength and you my friend are strong”